


Riding with Private Dean Winchester

by Wings_of_Cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Ghost Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, M/M, Military Castiel (Supernatural), Oneshot, hurt!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:34:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wings_of_Cas/pseuds/Wings_of_Cas
Summary: Castiel has finally come home from deployment after serving four years in the US Airforce. To get around, he needs a car. So when he sees a beautiful 67 Chevy Impala going for super cheap, he jumps at the chance to buy her. It comes along with its very own cassette tapes, a letter from one Private Dean Winchester and, oh, a ghost. Fantastic.At least life can’t get boring with a handsome ghost boy riding shotgun.*Inspired by the song “Riding with Private Malone” by David Ball.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 27
Kudos: 133





	Riding with Private Dean Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first ever time writing a oneshot! As always, I love to hear feedback from you guys, so please feel free to leave comments if you'd like! A few days ago, a family friend of mine passed away, so this was kind of my way of turning that into something productive and nice. 
> 
> This fic is based off of the song "Riding with Private Malone" by David Ball. I don't often enjoy country, but I've always liked this song. I recommend you give it a listen to if you've never heard of it before! And as always, thank you for being you. You guys are amazing. <3 Enjoy!

“You’re sure about this?” Gabriel asks, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding up his lollipop. Castiel rolls his eyes and keeps looking at the ad on his phone.

_Used Chevy. $3,000. Lawrence, Kansas._

_If interested, contact Mary Winchester at mwinchester@gmail.com._

“I mean, three grand is a pretty cheap deal, little bro. Are you sure the car will even work?”

“It’ll work.” Cas says, tucking his phone away. He checks the GPS on Gabriel’s phone and finds that they’re only a couple minutes away from Mary Winchester’s house now. “And if it doesn’t, I’m not obligated to buy the car. Simple as that.”

“Simple as that.” Gabriel parrots, sounding unconvinced. “You’re home for three days and you’re already giving me a headache.”

“Maybe it’s just a sugar rush.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Gabriel says, voice muffled as it presses past the lollipop in his mouth. It’s quiet in the car for a small moment before Gabriel speaks up again, sounding unusually gentle. “It’s good to have you home again, though. You know, not looking like a piñata.”

Castiel smiles to himself. Four years serving in the US Airforce as a medic and he’s happy to be back home too. There’s definitely some stuff he wishes that he hadn’t of seen, but he’s home now and the nightmares can’t hurt him. Not really. Besides, his entire family is military and they’ve all been incredibly supportive.

“I think this is the place.” Gabe says, pulling into a long, winding dirt drive. Castiel looks out of the window and sees what looks like an old farm. There’s a small house, a barn and as they pass through, some fenced in areas containing sheep, chickens and a single horse. He perks up when he sees manmade bee hives.

They park the car behind a truck and upon stepping out into the open air, freeze. The air is fresh and grass-sweet, but through the open window of the house in front of them, a slight breeze carries the incredible smell of fresh apple pie towards them. The smell is so strong that both boys can almost taste it and _God_ , does it taste amazing.

They make their way to the front door and upon knocking, find a middle aged woman with a pretty face and sad eyes promptly greeting them. “Good morning. Can I help you boys?”

“Hello. I’m Castiel Novak and this is my brother Gabriel. We’re looking to speak to a Miss Mary Winchester about a used chevy?”

“Oh.” Her face lights up and she quickly steps outside. “You can call me Mary. The car’s in the barn. Here, if you just follow me this way…”

Castiel and Gabriel follow the woman in silence towards the barn. Inside, they see a few cows, a handful of worn down tools and what looks like a sizeable car with a green army tarp thrown over the top.

“If a may ask,” Gabriel says, ignoring the worried look that Castiel shoots him. “Why exactly are you selling the car?”

The sad look returns to Mary Winchester’s eyes, but it’s the only indication that something may be bothering her. Otherwise, she stands tall with a sure jaw and confident shoulders. Castiel thinks that she may be a fighter. He knows one when he sees one.

“I suppose you’re wondering if it still works?” She asks with a pleasant, understanding smile.

Both boys share a look before nodding, having the good grace to at least appear sheepish.

“Well, I can assure you it does.” She chuckles. “Truth is, this car used to belong to my husband, John. He died serving as a marine overseas and as were his wishes, the car was passed down to my son, Dean.” She swallows thickly and busies herself with undoing the tarp, while Castiel and Gabriel politely pretend to not see the tears beginning to well in her eyes. “He always did want to make his daddy proud. He joined the army, got shipped off to Iraq and well,” she clears her throat. “He didn’t make it home either.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Gabriel says, eyes soft.

It wasn’t too long ago that they lost their brother Lucifer in a fire. It still stings and no one really talks about it, especially Michael. Especially Dad.

Mary smiles and pulls the tarp off of the car. Castiel has to stifle a gasp when a stunning, well taken care of 67 Chevy Impala is revealed. Gabriel is not so successful.

“I offered the car to my other son, Sam, but he didn’t want it. Too many memories attached, you see, and I can’t help but agree with him. We both just want to give her a new home, preferably to someone who will take good care of her.”

“She’s beautiful.” Cas says, meaning it. He runs his hands up her flanks as Gabriel sounds out a low whistle. She’s black and sleek and an absolute _dream_.

“She’s a babe.” His older brother agrees appreciatively. “Can we see her run?”

“Of course.” Mary takes the keys out of her pocket and rushes forward to open the door and get her started. Without any hesitation, the impala roars to life. Castiel _melts_.

“She’s perfect.” He breathes.

Mary Winchester looks pleased, her cheeks a little pink. “I’ll give you boys some time alone with her. Let you get to know her.” She turns the impala off, steps back and pockets the keys again. “The door’s unlocked, so feel free to hop on inside. When you’re done, just make your way back to the house. If you’re still unsure by then, I have apple pie to bribe you with.”

The boys laugh and say thanks as she walks away.

“Dude,” Gabriel says, whirling around with wide, dumbfounded eyes as soon as she’s gone. “Three grand for this? It’s a fucking steal.”

“I know.” Castiel says, equally as awed. He holds his breath as he reaches down and opens the driver side door. It opens with a small click, the soft smell of leather quick to follow. He slides in just as Gabriel does the same on the passenger side. Both boys stare at each other, looking like Christmas has come early.

Castiel’s running his hands over the steering wheel, palms sweaty and heart pounding with disbelief, when Gabriel opens the glove box. “Hey,” his big brother murmurs, brows furrowing. “There’s a letter in here.”

He pulls it out and soon enough, both of them are bending over it, absorbing the neat handwriting.

_My name is Private Dean Winchester. If you’re reading this, I didn’t make it home. Sammy, if this is you, I’m proud of you. I know you’ll give Stanford hell. You deserve a good, normal life and an even better girl to spend it with. Mom, if you’re the one reading this, I love you. Don’t waste too much time crying over me. Take good care of yourself._

_If you’re neither, then I suppose my Baby is yours now. Take good care of her. I’ll be riding shotgun to make sure you don’t douche her up. If you do, I’ll haunt your ass. This car was everything to me – a ride, a home, a chick magnet. Now she can be your everything too. If you treat her right, she’ll make you happy. I promise._

_\- DW_

“That’s…” Gabriel starts.

“Incredibly sad.” Castiel finishes, frowning.

Gabriel looks around and lets out a big breath. “It’s like this car has its own personality. You can definitely feel Dean’s in here. I mean…” he bends down and starts taking an impressive amount of cassette tapes out of the glove box. “Look at all of these. Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Metallica, Lynyrd Skynyrd... there has to be like fifty of these in here. If we didn’t know any better, I’d say that this guy was a middle aged biker dude.”

“Do you think they were his fathers?”

Gabriel puts them back gently, but holds onto the note. “His mother did say that Dean looked up to his dad.”

“We should see if she wants them.”

Gabriel nods and then they’re both getting out of the car. Castiel takes extra care to shut the door gently. He pauses and drinks the impala in one last time with a sigh. “I’m going to buy her, Gabe.”

“You’d be stupid not to.”

They make their way back to the farmhouse, pointing out little interesting things they see along the way, before knocking on the front door again.

“Just come on in, boys!”

They do as they’re told and follow the sound of Mary’s voice into the kitchen. She’s plating three slices of apple pie when they walk in. “So, what do you boys think?” She asks, looking like she’s trying to be brave.

“I definitely want her.” Castiel admits hastily as he and Gabriel take a seat at the table. Mary sits with them and beams.

“Perfect! I’m so happy she’s going to a good home. I knew you would be a great match for her when we spoke over the phone. You seem like you know your stuff.”

“Thank you.” Castiel mutters, feeling a little guilty that he’s getting the impala for such a steal. Gabriel kicks him subtly under the table.

“Um, Mary, before we do purchase her…” Gabriel says, toying with the note in his hands. Mary looks down, sees it and shakes her head kindly.

“I’ve seen the note. I left it in there on purpose.”

“And the tapes…?”

She looks apologetic for a second. “Dean would want you boys to have them. They belong with Baby.” She hands out some spoons and starts toying with her own slice of pie. “By no means do you have to, but if you could play one of those tapes every once in a while, it would… I would be – ”

“Of course I will.” Castiel says sincerely. Mary looks at him, shocked, but must find peace in what she sees, because she nods like she believes him.

“ _Thank you_.” She sighs, relieved.

The pie is the best that Castiel’s ever had and Gabriel is quick to agree. They eat and chat comfortably and when they’re done, Castiel hands over the cash. If Gabriel sees him slip in the rest of the two hundred that was a part of his budget, he doesn’t say a word. They leave thanking Mary with keys in hand and when they make it back to the impala, both boys are grinning wider than their faces should allow.

“I can’t believe she’s mine.”

“I’ll never doubt you again, little bro.” Gabriel chuckles. He hands Castiel Dean’s note, pats his back and leaves to go fetch his own car.

Castiel nods, thrumming with excitement, and slips back into the front seat. He pushes the key into the ignition, starts the impala up and feels like the stars have finally aligned when he hears her soft, welcoming purr. She’s perfect, even with the strange rattling sound coming from her air vents. One of Dean’s tapes must already be in the cassette player, because _Ramble On_ by Led Zeppelin immediately starts playing.

“I’ll look after her, Dean.” He promises, knowing it’s silly to talk to someone who’s dead and who can’t possibly hear him. “I promise.”

And with that, he’s driving his new car out of the barn and into the open road. He listens to Dean’s music all of the way back home.

†

The first time Castiel notices that something’s off, he’s stuck at a red light in the middle of a small country town. He’s wearing his aviators, one elbow hanging out of the impala’s open window and Dean’s CCR tape playing gently in the background. He’s bobbing his head to the music and enjoying the warm, summer sun when Castiel looks out of his window and sees a small gathering of pretty women eating ice-cream outside of a shop. Suddenly, the music cranks up to almost full-volume and the impala’s horn goes off with a short, obnoxious burst.

Castiel jumps, heart racing, and sees all of the girl’s heads snap up. When they see him with his dark, wind mused hair, impressive bicep muscles and even more impressive muscle car, they start to giggle and wave. As soon as the light turns green Castiel floors it and makes for his escape, face burning.

For a second, he swears that he hears a loud, mirthful laugh come from his right side, but when he looks into the passenger seat, no one’s there. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering that Castiel’s driving alone.

In the end, he simply shakes his head and convinces himself that sometimes old cars just act up. It was probably only ever going to be a one-time thing.

†

The second time that something strange and inexplicable happens, Gabriel is with him. They’re on their way to see their sister Anna when Gabriel turns to Castiel and says “you know, kiddo, it’s sweet that you play Dean-o’s music whenever you drive this thing, but what about giving the old girl a face-lift? I mean, she _is_ yours now. You could put in an iPod jack and – ”

The Lynyrd Skynyrd track that they’ve been listening to screeches to a halt out of nowhere. Castiel and Gabe look at each other with wide eyes as puffs of ghostly cold air unfurls from both of their mouths. It’s still summer and mere seconds ago, they had both felt too hot.

“What the – ”

They stop when they hear what sounds like a finger moving against wet glass. When they look over to Gabriel’s window they see that it’s fogged up and the words “don’t be a douche bag” have been carved into the frost. It’s the same handwriting from Dean’s letter.

Gabriel gulps and nods. Castiel is unusually pale.

“Well… he did say that he’d haunt whoever ‘douches up’ his Baby.” Castiel stammers. He clears his throat and, summoning all of his courage, announces into the air, “don’t worry, Dean. I won’t install an iPod jack. I don’t even have an iPod.”

The glass squeaks once more and then there’s a smiley face staring back at them, looking impossibly innocent.

Just as quickly as it had come, the coldness disappears, as do all of the words on the window. Lynyrd Skynyrd starts to play again and the boys keep driving, both equally terrified as they come to terms with the fact that they were just undoubtedly threatened by an actual ghost.

“Good luck with that.” Gabriel whispers, hand only trembling slightly when he pats his little brother on the shoulder. Castiel, for what it’s worth, doesn’t throw up despite how much he really feels like he needs to.

†

After that, little oddities happen here and there, but nothing as intense as what had happened that one time with Gabriel. Sometimes it’s as simple as his radio turning on by itself or the windshield wipers going active right before it starts to rain. On more than one occasion, Castiel swears that he could have seen a young soldier sitting beside him out of the corner of his eye, but whenever he does a double take, no one’s there.

Despite how spooky it had been with the whole Gabriel thing, Castiel doesn’t actually feel afraid. He’s accepted that his car is possibly – _definitely_ – haunted and really, it only makes him feel less alone. He doesn’t exactly have many friends that aren’t overseas fighting for their country, and after returning home with a handful of more issues than he’d like to admit, he feels like he doesn’t quite belong in regular civilization either. His family understands, of course, but Castiel can’t be around them all of the time.

He finds himself wasting no time in making sure that the impala is running at her very best. He dives under her hood, tunes her up and scrubs her with the utmost care. When he’s cleaning her interior, he finds a toy army man stuffed into the ashtray attached to one of her back doors. Above that, he sees the initials _DW_ and _SW_ carved into part of her wood paneling. It makes him smile, realizing that this amazing car of his has already lived a full and interesting life before him. He decides that these are the details that make her important, so he leaves them well enough alone. They only add to her beauty.

Sometimes, there are nights when Castiel can’t sleep, when the nightmares just seem too real and he wakes up not knowing where he is. It’s on these nights that he takes the impala out for a long, silent drive; the back of his neck drenched in sweat and his hands gripping the steering wheel with panicked, tight fists. Dean never turns on the music during these nights, but sometimes when Castiel finds that he’s suffering worse than usual, he’ll feel cool fingers brush over the back of his hand. It’s in one of these moments that he realizes Dean must understand how he feels more than anyone else in the world. He probably died afraid.

Castiel buys some cassette tapes of his own; the Beatles, Elvis, The Beach Boys. He even buys a Britney Spears one as a joke and plays it just to see if Dean will kick up a fuss. When his invisible companion makes absolutely zero moves to stop him, he chuckles to himself and teasingly asks “you like Britney Spears, huh?”

Castiel only laughs harder when the radio promptly switches from cassette mode to FM.

“Hey, man. I wasn’t judging you.”

The radio hesitantly switches back and Castiel listen’s to _Baby, Hit Me One More Time_ with the biggest shit eating grin he’s ever worn in his life.

He’s grown to enjoy Dean’s company, despite how crazy that sounds even to himself. Gabriel used to complain and suggest that they use his own car instead, but learned to stop when Castiel quietly admitted to him one day that “ _we go out for drives when the nightmares get too bad. He stays with me and makes sure that I don’t forget where I am._ ”

Now whenever Gabriel slides into the passenger seat, he says “heyya, Dean-o” without fail. One time he swore straight after his usual greeting and when Castiel had asked him what was wrong, Gabe had shakily confessed “ _I think he just pat my shoulder_.” The radio had then switched on by itself and Castiel could only snicker, wickedly enjoying the full view of how nauseous his big brother had looked for the rest of the drive.

Afterwards, Cas had felt like Dean was winking at him from the beyond.

The summer passed like that. Castiel would go about his life and take the impala along with him. Occasionally, Dean would make himself known. It was easy and somehow comforting in a way, knowing that Dean was always with him. He felt like the dead soldier was a mere passenger, content to see the sights with him, and that they were simply enjoying each other’s company.

That is, until one day, Castiel mumbles out loud that he’s hungry and his indicator goes off without any warning. Castiel frowns and studies the flashing red arrow with a tilt of his head. “Right? Dean, you want me to make a right turn?”

The horn beeps quickly, a short confirmation.

_Oh, why the hell not?_

“Sure. I’ll follow the ghost. What could possibly go wrong?”

The horn beeps again, twice and in quick succession.

“Alright, alright, I’m turning.”

He follows Dean’s directions, every once in a while making a turn when his indicator instructs him to. It’s not too long before he’s parked in front of an old bar called _The Roadhouse_. It’s wooden and rustic looking and despite it being four in the afternoon, it already looks busy.

“The Roadhouse?” Castiel mutters, looking into the passenger seat, expecting to see nothing but empty space. Instead, he startles and cries out when he sees a young soldier sitting there, with mousy brown hair and impossible green eyes.

The soldier looks at him, confused. “What?” He asks, in a gruff, all-American voice. He then stills and points at himself, eyes going comically wide. “Wait! You can see me?”

“ _Dean?_ ”

“Holy crap!” Dean laughs incredulously, looking down at himself and then back up again. “You can see me! Cas, this is awesome!”

“You _know my name?_ ”

“Of course I know your name! I’ve been riding shotgun with you for like… how long has it been since Mom sold you the car? _Damn_. What year is it?”

Castiel blinks, pretty sure that he’s in shock. Or that the sleepless nights are finally driving him crazy. “2010.”

“ _2010?_ I would have been…” Dean counts on his fingers, his face twisting into an expression of utmost concentration. It shouldn’t be adorable, but it is. The soldier smiles a little to himself when he’s done. “I would have been thirty-one by now. And Sammy… he’s _gotta_ be at least twenty-seven…”

“Dean,” Castiel gulps, not quite believing what he’s seeing. “How are you – what are you – ” He pauses to catch his breath and takes it upon himself to _really_ look at the soldier sitting across from him. Dean doesn’t look anything like what he had been expecting. Instead of a cloudy, translucent figure missing half its torso and legs, he sees a handsome guy around his age with freckles like stars on his face and a strangely life-like appearance. He’s in full color and it’s enough that Cas can see the blood on his uniform, but no wounds. “How old were you when you – I mean, how did you, or, I mean – ” Castiel runs a hand through his hair and tries very hard not to freak out.

He doesn’t know much about ghost etiquette, but he’s pretty sure asking one how they died could be considered to be in poor taste.

When Castiel looks back up though, Dean is smiling fondly at him and not looking at all wrathful. _Thank God_.

“It’s okay, Cas. If I were you, I’d be freaking out too. Actually, _I am_ freaking out a bit. This is a new for me too.” Dean says, settling back into the passenger seat and spreading his long, bow legs. And wow, Castiel is not going to go there with a dead guy. “To answer your questions, though, I was twenty-six when I died. That means I’ve been dead for… five years? Geez…”

“And uh,” Castiel looks a little guilty for pressing. “And how did you…”

Dean’s eyes glaze over for a moment. It’s baffling to Castiel that a ghost can look so expressive. “Blown up. Very blown up.” The soldier shudders, looking pained. “It was a full Hollywood moment. My friend Benny was running ahead when I saw the bomb. I reached out for him – I screamed his name – but it was too late…”

Castiel’s face crumples. “Dean. I’m so sorry.”

Dean turns around to look at him, expression softening. “Hey, I signed up for it didn’t I?” His attention shifts to somewhere over Castiel’s shoulder and when he turns around to check out what Dean’s seeing, he realizes that the dead soldier’s looking at The Roadhouse.

“Man, I never thought I’d see this place again. I practically grew up here.” The ghost says softly. He catches Castiel’s stare and grins, all bright eyes and cheeky disposition. “Ellen and Jo own the place. Best burgers in the country, guaranteed. It’s kind of why I brought you here. I noticed how much you like burgers from that one time you snuck some into the car about a week ago, and you said you were hungry, so…”

“That’s… incredibly thoughtful of you.”

Dean shrugs, looking secretly pleased.

“Well, I’ll just, uh, go ahead and…”

“ _Go_.” Dean laughs. “I’ll be here. I mean, unless this is too much for you. I-I can try to go Invisible Man if you want – ”

“No.” Castiel says gently. “I like seeing you.” He’s surprised to find that he means it too. Dean beams so hard that he gets crow’s feet at the edges of his eyes. Impatiently, he shoos him out of the car and yells “get the ‘Bobby’! It’s their specialty!”

When Castiel steps out into the parking lot and has his back to Dean, he allows all of his panic to show. He gives himself to the count of three to freak out and then forces himself to calm back down. He carefully fixes his face into a blank mask, takes one last look at the impala, waves back at Dean and then makes his way into The Roadhouse.

How the hell did this become his life?

†

The burgers really are the best in the country. Castiel savors every tender bite and smoky flavor that bursts onto his tongue. The ‘Bobby’, as it so happens, is a fucking delight. It’s a beef patty, flavored with whiskey and complimented with the perfect amount of candied bacon. The waitress, Jo coincidentally, smiles at him approvingly when she clears his plate away. “Enjoy your meal?”

“Definitely. The, er, ‘Bobby’ was recommended to me by a friend. Now I can see why.”

The young woman, also around he and Dean’s age, hums to herself in amusement. “Yeah. Watching you eat it kind of reminded me of someone I once knew... Well, it was nice meeting you, Castiel. I hope to see you come around again sometime soon.”

“You can count on it.”

Cas gets up and makes to leave when Jo hesitantly stops him with a hand on his arm. She looks wounded, staring out of one of the bar’s windows, right into the parking lot. “Hey… that impala… is it yours by any chance?”

Castiel falters. “Yeah,” he says, shifting uncomfortably. Jo’s hand drops from his arm. “I bought it from a lovely woman named Mary Winchester. She said it belonged to one of her sons once.”

“Is that so?” Jo mumbles quietly, barely a whisper. In the next second, she fixes her face into something a little more playful and puts her hands on her hips. “I had my first kiss in that car. You take good care of it, ya hear?”

“Loud and clear.” Castiel says, heart aching.

When he gets back into the impala, Dean isn’t there.

“I met Jo.” Castiel says delicately into the air, knowing that the ghost is probably listening in anyway. Probably thinking about the life he lost too. “She seems like a nice girl. She mentioned you a couple of times…”

He stops and listens in for an answer, but all he hears is the impala’s steady, calming purr. He sighs, but he thinks he might just understand.

“She says you kiss like a swamp monster.”

“ _She did not!”_

Cas laughs, jumping when Dean suddenly appears next to him. The ghost’s eyes are sad, but mostly, he looks grateful. They listen to Def Leppard on the way home and Dean entertains them both by pointing out all the places that he used to frequent.

He even points out _Singer’s Automotive Repair_ , the place that is supposedly owned by the man who inspired the ‘Bobby’ burger.

†

Despite the fact that Castiel can see Dean at times now, not much has changed. He only ever shows himself when he feels like Cas will be okay with it, or if Cas is too far inside his own head and needs help getting out of it. He never shows himself when other people are around. Not even for Gabriel.

Cas is road tripping his way to Arizona – already most of the way to the Grand Canyon – when Dean materializes to his right.

“Are we really going to the big gap?”

In the past, Castiel would have swerved with a shout or a curse. But by now, he’s already gotten used to having the soldier appear out of nowhere.

“Yeah. Why?”

Dean wiggles in his chair, slapping his knees excitedly. “Always wanted to go. I’ve never been.”

“Really?” Cas asks, perplexed. “With how much you said you and your family were on the road at times, that surprises me.”

Dean hums along with Cas’ Beatles tape and shrugs.

They sit in companionable silence, until a thought strikes Castiel. He clears his throat and works up the courage to ask his question. Dean raises his eyebrows at him.

“Dude. Just ask.”

“So do… do spirits just not pass on? Do we really just… stay?”

Dean looks out of his window, but not before Castiel sees the way his face falls with uncertainty. His voice sounds perfectly nonchalant when he speaks though. “I’d met a few other ghosts before I was whammied into Baby, but uh… from what I could tell, most of them did find ‘ _the light’_ or ‘ _the tunnel_ ’ or whatever it’s called. I tried to follow them, but um, I just haven’t seen it yet. Can’t cross a bridge you can’t find, I guess.”

Anger flares up within Castiel unexpectedly. It’s just cruel. If anyone deserves to pass on, it’s Dean. He’s been stuck inside his car for _five freakin’ years_ , and that’s just not right.

“I dunno.” Dean mumbles, swallowing and looking lost. “Maybe I just have some unfinished business. You know, like in the movies?”

Castiel does know. _How the hell did he not think of it before?_

He looks at Dean and not for the first time, thinks about how handsome the man sitting beside him is. His strong nose, his even stronger jaw, the meadow green of his eyes… Castiel could get lost in those eyes. Looking into them is like being ensnared by wild, jungle vines.

He wonders what the soldier’s life would have been like if he hadn’t been blown up at the age of too-fucking-young. He wonders what Dean would have gone on to do after his service. He wonders if he and Jo would have made a life together.

He turns his eyes back to the road and ignores the funny feeling eating away at his stomach. “ _Do_ you have unfinished business?” He ventures, if only as a distraction.

Dean huffs. “I dunno, man. I mean, don’t you think I would have gone and finished it by now if I knew what it was?”

Fair point. “Maybe it’s something to do with… your Mom?”

“Nah.” Dean frowns, seeming contemplative. “I don’t think it’s her. Back when she still had Baby, she would come into the car and just cry sometimes. It sucked. It was a good thing that she pulled the tarp over me in the end.”

Castiel chews on his lip in thought. “Is there something you really wanted to do before you died?”

“Nah, man. I mean, the Grand Canyon – sure – but that’s not exactly ‘unfinished business’ material, you know?”

“Yeah.” Castiel sighs. They’re about an hour away from their destination now. They have the time, so they might as well see if they can solve Dean’s problem on the way there. “What about… don’t you have a brother?”

“ _Sammy?”_ Dean asks, caught off guard. “Man, I love that kid. You’d like him! He’s kind of dorky, like you. He reads a lot and he’s always been the smart one of the family. Well, except for this one time when we were kids and we jumped off the shed roof. He broke his arm and was so mad at me, but I tried to tell him that Batman can’t fly! Hell, he couldn’t have been more than five… I had to drive him to the ER on my handle bars.” Dean laughs, lost in his memories. “He’s going to Stanford you know? He got a full ride and everything and…” The soldier trails off, going unnervingly still.

Cas quickly glances at him, concerned. “Dean?”

The ghost looks devastated. Cas has never seen that much agony show on one person’s face before, other than when he’s had to sit with the airmen who wouldn’t make it through the night.

Dean licks his lips and continues. “It’s just, uh… I never got to see him graduate, you know? Stanford was his life. It was Sammy’s big dream. I never got to ask him about his day or his dorky classes. He never got to finish telling me about that Jess girl he met. I just… left him behind. Like dad.”

Dean’s voice sounds so small and so hurt. Cas reaches across the space between them and pats his companion’s – _friend’s?_ – hand. Dean’s attention snaps back to him, his startled gaze glossy with unshed tears. All Cas can do is look at him as imploringly as possible, pushing as much sincerity into his voice as he can when he speaks.

“When we’re done with this trip, Dean, I will take you to see your brother. I _promise_.”

“Yeah, Cas.” The soldier’s voice cracks. He clears his throat and swallows. The ghost looks like he might just break if Castiel so much as looks away, so Castiel takes his hand and squeezes it hard with his own. Dean licks his lips and it’s almost sweet, to see that habits can survive even death. “Yeah. That would be nice.”

They spend the rest of their trip listening to their music in meaningful silence. Neither of them pull their hands away from each other. Instead, Cas just enjoys the feel of the cool weight in his hand and Dean enjoys the warmth.

It’s the most alive either of them have felt in a very long time.

†

Dean loves the Grand Canyon, but it turns out, he loves his little brother even more. As promised, they’re on their way to see Sam Winchester and Dean cannot sit still for the… _death of him?_ Is that what he should say?

Dean absentmindedly switches the radio from one station to the next for the fifth time in a row now and Castiel thinks he might actually be going crazy. He just might be if he’s seriously considering starting a fight with a ghost.

“ _Dean_.” He pleads, hands gripping the steering wheel tight. “For the love of God, just _calm down_.”

The windshield wipers go off anxiously and the windows roll down just the littlest amount. A headache forms at Castiel’s temples.

Dean looks embarrassed.

“I can’t help it.”

Castiel groans. “I thought my anxiety was bad, man.”

“Ghost anxiety. Who knew?”

Cas looks at his friend and upon seeing his face, becomes overwhelmed with shame. Dean’s looking at him guiltily, a sad smile tugging pathetically at his lips. His shoulders are uncharacteristically slumped and his hands are a fidgeting mess in his lap. And Castiel’s the one that put that dejected, kicked puppy look there. 

This is a big day for Dean. Probably the biggest day of his death. He’s going to see his brother for the first time in five years and maybe even pass on into the _beyond_. Considering that no one quite knows what the hell that even is, it’s a big fucking deal. And nerve wracking in the very least.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says and means it. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. Are you alright?”

“Peachy. Being dead is a blast.”

“ _Dean_.”

The soldier shrugs and laughs. “ _I_ thought it was funny.”

Castiel rolls his eyes but huffs out a small chuckle anyway. “I mean it. If you want to save this for another day we can.”

Dean shakes his head, face hardening into something determined. “No. No, it’s best if we get this done ASAP. I don’t belong here, man. Besides, we’re already so close…”

It takes another half hour before they finally make it to Sam’s house in California. When they get there, Dean is marveling at the suburban house that’s supposed to be his little brother’s home and Castiel is, in turn, watching him.

Neither of them breathe.

Until Cas needs to. “I won’t be long, Dean.”

Dean whirls around, looking pale. For once, he actually looks like a real Hollywood ghost. “You better… you better take this.” He holds out the letter that he and Gabriel had found the first day they’d met the impala. “It’ll help.”

Castiel gently takes the note and nods. “I’ll be right back. Try not to break Baby while I’m gone.”

Dean waves him away and it’s enough of a testament as to how tense he actually feels, that he doesn’t defend himself immediately against the implication of ever hurting Baby.

Castiel slips out of the impala and walks up to Sam’s front door, almost shaky with nerves and anticipation. He knocks and after a short wait and a dog barking later, the door opens to reveal a _giant_ of a man.

The dude has to be at least 6”4, with floppy brown hair and the broadest shoulders Castiel has ever seen. He can tell from the man’s soft, kind eyes though, that he’s a gentle giant.

“Hello?” The man asks, friendly but confused. He blinks at Castiel and looks past him, freezing when he spots the impala. “What – ” Castiel looks back and sees that Dean’s not visible. When he turns back around to face Sam, the man looks like he’s conflicted. Like he’s caught somewhere between feeling upset and amazed. “I don’t… what is…”

“Sam?” Castiel asks coolly. “Sam Winchester?”

The younger Winchester’s brows furrow. He looks impossibly troubled and Castiel supposes that he is. “Yeah, that’s me. Do I… know you?”

“No, but uh… I bought this car off of your mother a while ago and I found this in the glove box. I thought you might like to look at it…”

He holds out the letter and Sam just stares at it like it might burn him.

Castiel’s about to pocket it and give up on their operation altogether – maybe even never enter the state of California again – when Sam shakily reaches out and takes it. His lips move silently as he reads the words intended for him by Dean, and when he’s done reading the letter, his fingertips trail carefully, lovingly over his brother’s handwriting. He looks like he’s been tortured.

With a cough, Sam hands the letter back and rubs the back of his neck, eyes a little wet and darting between the impala and Castiel.

“That’s my brother’s car…?”

Cas nods, unsure if he trusts himself to speak.

“Is it… Is it okay if I…?”

“Please.”

Castiel steps aside and watches as Sam staggers up to his dead brother’s car. With a shuddering breath, he reaches out and touches the impala’s roof. When he does, the stress holding him together seems to dissolve entirely and he sags. Sam doesn’t turn around when he gently asks, “are his old tapes still in here?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you ever play them?”

“Every day.”

Sam nods. Castiel thinks he might be crying.

“Can I… have a moment?”

“I’ll go for a walk around the block. Do you want the keys?”

“Please.”

Castiel hands the man his keys and walks away as promised, taking in the view of Sam Winchester’s neighborhood as he passes numerous houses and even a park. He imagines what the younger Winchester’s life is like now. Fatherless, brotherless and surrounded by all these happy family homes. He wonders if Sam ever graduated from Stanford like he had planned to. He wonders if he’s still the same dorky kid as Dean’s painted him out to be. He wonders if Dean will be there when he gets back. He shakes his head and prays. Prays that Dean gets the happiness he deserves.

When he returns, Sam is sitting on his doorstep, as far away from the impala as possible. His thumb is smoothing over the keys. He looks lost.

“I said goodbye.”

Castiel nods.

“I didn’t think my mom would actually sell her.”

Cas doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing.

“Do you take good care of her?”

“Of course.”

Sam nods and stands. He reaches out and shakes Castiel’s hand and returns the keys. His eyes are soft and brown and nothing like his brother’s, but also entirely like them too. They hold the same pain. “I hope you don’t mind, but I…” The giant pulls a cassette tape out of his pocket. Led Zeppelin. Dean’s favorite. “I want to keep this.”

He says it like he might need to fight for it. It’s no use. At this point, Castiel would give him the whole damn impala if he asked for it.

“It’s yours.”

“It was good to meet you.” Sam says, not even knowing his name. He smiles and Castiel thinks he might just see the young boy that Dean’s spent hours describing. “Don’t take offense to this, but I hope I never see you again.” Cas thinks in another life, they could have been friends.

“I understand.”

They wave goodbye to each other and then Castiel is sliding into the driver’s seat. Sam’s already in the house. He tucks Dean’s letter back into the glovebox carefully and leaves quickly out of respect.

He’s enjoying the silence, already on the freeway and wondering where Dean is now, when the soldier appears unexpectedly in his usual place beside him. Castiel’s eyes burn with the realization that his friend hasn’t moved on.

“Dean?” He whispers.

Dean just stares outside of his window and doesn’t say anything for the rest of the drive.

†

For weeks Dean doesn’t show his face. Castiel wishes that he could just fool himself into believing that it only takes a little extra time for a ghost to move on into the beyond, but he refuses to lie to himself like that. He knows that Dean is just taking time to himself, to think about his tragic fate and to curse a higher being that’s forgotten all about him.

It’s Fall and rainy when Dean does show himself again. Castiel is on his way to his brother Michael’s house to celebrate his father’s birthday, when he looks over and sees Dean. He curses and stops himself from swerving just in time.

“I thought we were finally over that.” Dean huffs, looking far too pleased with himself. He looks considerably better than the last time Castiel saw him.

“It’s been a while.” He grumbles, amping up the windshield wipers. “How are you – ”

“Don’t, man. Just don’t.”

Castiel obliges and stays quiet.

Dean grits his teeth and breaks the silence anyway.

“I saw Sammy. Obviously, he didn’t see me, but he uh… he said goodbye.”

Castiel nods and waits for his friend to continue. Dean squirms.

“He graduated. He’s a lawyer now and, uh… I guess things went well with that Jessica girl. They’re married and have a kid now. _Dean_. He named his son Dean. After… after me and – ” Dean lets out a rush of air, his bottom lip trembling. Castiel bites his own lip, eyes burning with tears. His heart shatters somewhere in his chest. His throat feels so thick that he struggles to breathe. “God, Cas.” Dean rasps, voice wrecked. “Why didn’t I _move on?_ Why am I still _stuck here?_ Is this Hell? Is this because of… because of what I had to do as a soldier? Is this because _I didn’t save Benny?_ ”

“No. Dean, don’t think like that. God, Dean, please never think like that.” Castiel shudders, hand striking out to take his best friend’s. Dean takes it like a life line and swallows down a sob. Castiel wishes that he wouldn’t try to be so brave. He wonders, not for the first time, how God could possibly let this happen – how he could ever dare to leave a soldier behind. “Dean, we’ll find a way. We’ll get you home. I promise you we’ll find a way to get you out of here.”

“Cas – ”

“I mean it, Dean. I won’t give up on you.”

“ _Cas_ – ”

“Don’t even try arguing with me. I don’t care if you’re a ghost, I’ll kick your ass – ”

“ _CAS!”_

“Dean – ”

“ _NO, CAS! THERE’S A DEER! TWO HANDS! TWO HA_ – ”

Castiel’s heart jumps somewhere into his throat, his lungs burning like he’s been punched in the chest and his hands fumbling to steer the impala away from the deer in the middle of his lane. Her tires skid the wrong way against the rain soaked road and suddenly he’s shouting as the impala rolls over and over and over and over…

Castiel thinks he hears Dean scream his name when his world starts to go fuzzy. He’s wondering why Dean sounds like he’s crying when his world goes black.

†

When Castiel wakes up, he _hurts_. Everything hurts.

His eyelids are heavy when he tries to move them and when he does manage to open his eyes, it’s way too bright. He groans and reaches up to rub his face, but something’s wrong with his hand. It won’t move the way he wants it to. He tries again, but then someone’s looming over him, looking scornful.

“Don’t move, Mr. Novak. You’ve just been in a pretty severe car accident and you’re very hurt.”

His throat feels like he’s been gargling knives, but he forces himself to speak anyway. "Am I dead?” He can barely recognize his own voice.

“No. Just hurt, I promise.”

“Dean?”

“I don’t know who that is, Mr. Novak. You were the only one in the car at the time of the accident.”

“The nurse said he’s awake _?_ ” Demands a new voice.

“ _Gabriel_.” He croaks and then coughs.

His brother’s head pops into view. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. “Hey, kiddo.” He says with a watery grin. “How are you feeling?”

Castiel glares and his big brother just laughs.

“Yeah. Coma’s a bitch, huh?”

“Coma?” He rasps.

“Perhaps we should let him rest.” The doctor says. Castiel thinks he’s a very smart man and then he’s seeing black again.

†

The next time Castiel wakes, he’s a little more sharp minded and Gabriel is already by his side, chewing on a pixie stick.

“Want some?”

Castiel shakes his head. “What happened?”

His throat feels a little better and he’s not really in pain. He actually feels a little _floaty_.

“You gave us all a heart attack, kiddo, that’s what.” Gabriel scoots his chair closer and leans in, looking like he never wants to be apart from his kid brother ever again. “You were in a car accident, Cassie. From what we can tell, your car flipped several times before landing in a ravine. The impala’s been totaled.”

Cas’ blood freezes in his veins. It makes his head swim. _Dean_.

Gabriel catches his look of horror and seems to understand instantly, because he shakes his head and smiles reassuringly. “I think Dean’s okay, kiddo. Don’t worry about him.”

“What?”

“Word is that the impala caught on fire. Witnesses say that they saw a soldier pull you out of the flames. When they rushed in to help you and call 911, the soldier was nowhere to be seen.” Gabe sucks on his pixie stick, a strange twinkle in his eye. “Of course no one believes her, but a little girl said that she saw the soldier turn into ‘magical glowy dust’ and go into the sky. It was all very sweet.”

“He moved on.” Castiel says without breath. He closes his eyes and swallows thickly, his heart practically _singing_. He prays a well-deserved ‘sorry’, followed by an equally deserved ‘thank you’. “He actually, finally _moved on_.”

“Maybe there’s a reason he couldn’t move on, even when you two went to visit his brother.”

Castiel opens his eyes again and looks at his big brother, feeling much too tired and confused to figure out what he’s trying to imply. “What do you… what do you mean…?”

Gabriel takes Castiel’s hand in his and even though he knows it’s absolutely ridiculous, he wishes that it was Dean’s hand instead.

“He saved your life, Cassie.” Gabriel says, sounding more vulnerable than he’s ever sounded in his entire life. “Maybe that’s why he was stuck in that car for all those years. Maybe this was always going to happen and he was meant to be there to save you. Maybe there was a _reason_ for all of this.”

Castiel wants to say something, he _really_ does. He wants to be happy and he is, but he also feels incredibly overwhelmed and distraught. It’s too much to process; that there may be a higher power out there that actually gives a damn about him. That Dean had to stay chained to the Earth like prisoner for five years and for what? So Castiel could parade around in a muscle car for a few months?

His heart monitor starts to shriek and Gabriel looks panicked as a nurse throws herself into the room to make sure that Castiel’s okay. In the end, it just turns out to be a mild panic attack and Gabriel is ordered to let his little brother rest.

Castiel watches the nice nurse – Meg, she'd said her name was – add something to his IV and by the time she’s noting it down in his chart, he’s asleep again.

He dreams about Dean.

†

Dean’s smiling at him and talking, but Castiel can’t hear what he’s saying. He reaches out but Dean’s already gone. He’s already gone but he can still see him.

He thinks he can see his friend mouth “thank you”, over and over again. He looks into those impossibly green eyes and knows it’s the last time that he will ever see them again. He thinks in another life, they could have loved each other.

“Dean!” He shouts. _Thank you – I need you – I’m happy for you._ He doesn’t know what to say first, but he doesn’t have to say anything at all.

“ _I know_.” It’s like hearing someone speak from under water, like an almost non-existent breeze over the open ocean. But it’s all Cas needs. He feels something release within him as he watches Dean dissolve away like foam in an ocean wave.

He thinks that they’ve both finally been set free.

†

In the end, Castiel was in a coma for four days and survived the accident with only six broken bones and mild burns. He wouldn’t have survived at all if it weren’t for the unknown soldier pulling him out of the wreckage.

He finally makes it to his brother Michael’s house where his entire family engulfs him in a massive hug. They tease him about his crutches and wipe at their watery eyes when they think he’s not looking. It’s all very perfect and sweet and within only an hour, his family is arguing like they usually do.

Castiel rolls his eyes and sticks by Gabriel and Anna’s side. They’ve always gotten along better anyway.

In the end, there’s no mechanic in the world that can save the impala. Castiel thinks it’s for the best though. She deserves to lay at rest with Dean. And when Castiel goes to sleep at night, he doesn’t dream about those green eyes or constellation freckles at all. It takes him almost a week of full, remarkable, undisturbed sleep before he realizes that he doesn’t dream anymore, period. No nightmares, no anything.

Just sweet, peaceful radio silence.

And Castiel thinks it’s the sweetest gift Dean could have ever given him. Because of that fallen soldier, he gets to grow and grow and grow until his hair’s grey and his great-grandchildren ask him silly, invasive questions. He gets to experience arthritis and adult diapers and a full life spent with his wife Meg.

He thinks a lot about Sam Winchester and his child, Dean. He thinks of the toy army man, stuffed in the ashtray, melting away with the rest of the impala. He thinks about all of the new music he’d listened to that one, crazy summer and he thinks about whether Benny ever managed to find the light too.

Most of all, he thinks about how grateful he is, that he got to ride along with Private Dean Winchester. And he wonders if when he does finally pass away, whether Dean will be there waiting for him at the beginning of his bridge, ready to greet him as an old friend with the impala by his side.

And maybe, just maybe… they could ride into the light together like old times, and for once, Castiel could be sitting shotgun.


End file.
